


The Chocoholic Adventures

by IBSH_Inkblot



Series: Round Robin Writing [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, Humor, Magic, Magic-Users
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBSH_Inkblot/pseuds/IBSH_Inkblot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chocolate is, unfortunately, an infuriatingly hard substance to find. Cindy finds this out the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chocoholic Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> Authors: Cynthia of the Wallflowers, Rinnivov

Cindy stepped out of the night, clad in a pair of comfortable jeans and a T-shirt. As she walked, she absently twirled the wooden staff in her hand around and around, to the point where anyone looking at her might have gotten dizzy from the spins. A few minutes later, the staff twirled to a stop as Cindy halted in front of an abandoned building, its windowless walls covered in creeping vines and rusty, iron doors padlocked shut.

“I wonder if there’s chocolate in here,” she said, touching her staff to the rusted padlock. There was a flash of blue light, and the padlock broke apart, clattering loudly to the floor. Cindy paid the noise no mind, pushing the metal doors open with an earsplitting screech.

Her footsteps echoed as she walked inside and headed for the stairs. She counted three steps up, two steps down, four taps on the wall beside the step, and finally, with a loud snap of her fingers, her blue magic flared to life.

...Nothing happened. Cindy lowered her hand in disappointment. Suddenly, there was a lurch! She stumbled. With an ominous rumble, the staircase moved, seamlessly rotating Cindy to... _the world behind the walls_.

“Stay back,” Cindy threatened, rummaging around her pocket for a weapon. “I have...a _stapler_.” She waved said stapler in the air menacingly.

It was a pointless action. The hallway behind the walls was empty.

Not at all perturbed by the fact that she had threatened an empty hallway, Cindy stuffed the stapler back in her pocket and continued down the hall. The hallway eventually came to an end at an eerie doorway, ominously decorated with several worn, grinning skulls. A sudden chill swept through Cindy’s body and she shivered. Without further ado, she pushed the door open and slipped inside.

* * *

 

Darkness enveloped her as the door slammed shut behind her. Cindy reached into her pocket once again and brought out a glow stick, shaking it to life.

The dim blue glow managed to illuminate only a small radius of cluttered space. Idly, Cindy lifted a hand, conjuring several balls of blue fire, allowing her to see the piles and piles of junk that littered the seemingly endless room.

“How am I supposed to find the kid in all this rubbish?” She asked aloud, pouting.

Cindy distractedly batted at one of her floating blue flames ― foxfire, she remembered a book calling them once ― absently sticking the glow stick into her long hair so she wouldn’t have to carry it.

“Hmmm,” she murmured as she stepped into the messy room. Her feet crunched against several of the many crinkled wrappers littering the floor. Curiously, she picked one of them up. Her eyes lit up. ...Metaphorically, not literally.

“Chocolate!” She whispered in unadulterated glee. “Chocolate was here,” she took a long sniff of the wrapper, “two, maybe three hours ago.”

Dropping the wrapper, she did a happy jig. “Did you hear me Jane? Chocolate was here! Two hours ago!”

The lacrimosa-shaped crystal earrings she was wearing glowed blue, sounding a noise not unlike static.

“I’m sure it was Cindy,” Jane’s voice said dryly. “Now please, focus on the mission.”

“But Jane,” Cindy moaned piteously. “I haven’t had chocolate in _years_! I’m having withdrawal symptoms!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Just go find the goddamned kid,” Jane said. Cindy could almost hear her eyes rolling. She pouted, then brightened as she realized the kid might know where there would be chocolate.

“Chocolate!” Cindy squealed, rushing off after the trail of wrappers. Over the communication lacrimosa, Jane sighed.

“At least she’s doing the mission...”

* * *

 

There was a huge bunny currently towering over Cindy’s puny self. Both Jane ― through the lacrimosa crystals ― and Cindy ― in real life ― stared.

Cindy was the first to snap out of it.

“Jane, I think it’s a giant chocolate bunny!”

“Wha-” Before Jane had time to dissuade Cindy from this ridiculous notion, Cindy gave an infatuated squeal:

“Chocolate! I’m gonna eat it!” Sighing, Jane decided that there was nothing she could do but go with the flow.

“How nice,” she droned. “Remember to bring back samples alright?”

“Will do!” With a mad cackle, Cindy reached into her pocket and yanked out her trusty stapler. Brandishing it like a knife, she leapt for the giant bunny.

“HIIIIYAAAA!!!” She screamed, forgoing her trusty stapler in favor of her even trustier mouth. “CHOCOLATE!!!”

The bunny gave a fearsome cry of pure terror as her mouth chomped onto one of its huge, floppy bunny ears. Cindy closed her eyes, waiting for the delightfully sweet taste of chocolate to flood her mouth and overwhelm her taste buds.

Sadly, this was not to be.

“BLECH! YUCK!” She screeched, leaping back from the bunny, spitting furiously. “This isn’t chocolate! It’s DUST!”

Over the lacrimosa earrings, Cindy could hear Jane howling with laughter, wholly unsympathetic to her plight.

“Ja-ane....” she whined miserably. “My mouth tastes like dust! I wanna go home!”

“Better finish the mission then,” Jane snickered. “And also? The dust bunny’s about to attack.”

Cindy whirled around and dodged to the side as the dust bunny smashed one huge dusty paw on the spot she had once stood. She glared at the bunny evilly, brandishing her stapler yet again.

“I’m gonna whack you for pretending to be chocolate!” The unfortunate bunny took a wary step backwards.

(‘I wasn’t trying to be chocolate!’ The poor bunny wailed mentally. ‘You made that up yourself!’)

“HIIIIYAAAA!!!” Cindy screamed again, leaping for the bunny. The bunny screamed too, in terror. As much as a bunny or dust could scream anyway. Which was to say, the bunny made a sound not unlike the dying shrill of a leaky teakettle, flailed it’s short dusty arms and turned to flee from the rampaging chocoholic. It only managed to take a single hop away before Cindy crashed onto its poor dusty head, bringing her stapler down, hard. An unholy crack rang out through the room.

“Ow!” Cindy yelped, tears watering her eyes as her trusty stapler cracked in two, one half held firmly in her hand while the other half broke off cleanly...and whacked her square in the forehead. The bunny stared up at her with disbelieving deadpan eyes.

“JAAANNEEEEE...” Cindy wailed, sniffling. She cradled her poor, abused forehead, a sizeable bruise already appearing. Over the lacrimosa crystals Jane sighed, massaging her forehead in exasperation.

“You know, I gave you that magic staff for a reason...”

(‘Magic staff!?’ The dust bunny thought, paling as much as dust could pale.)

“Ow!” Cindy yelped again as the dust bunny abruptly dispersed into dust underneath her, dropping her unceremoniously onto the ground. Groaning, she stood up, rubbing her abused butt. “I hope I never see that stupid lying bunny again,” she grumbled. Picking up the other half of her trusty stapler, she stuck the two pieces back together once again and continued to follow the trail of chocolate wrappers.

* * *

 

After much walking and nagging from Jane, Cindy finally saw the end of the chocolate wrapper trail. Sitting on the ground, not a few feet away from the last few wrappers, was a young boy munching on a Twix.

Cindy drooled not-so-discreetly, but wiped it away before it reached the ground. Instead:

“CHOCOLATE!” She squealed, lunging for the Twix.

Too late. The chocolate disappeared into the little boy’s mouth just as Cindy’s hands closed upon the wrapper.

“NOOOOO!!” She wailed in anguish. the boy blinked at her oddly before shrugging and smirking evilly at her. He proceeded to lick the last remains of chocolate from his fingers as she watched on in agony. Then, he made a face at her, grinning, and disappeared behind a pile of junk. Paralyzed in trauma, Cindy watched him go.

“What are you doing?” Jane snapped. “Go after him!”

Cindy dashed after him, because Jane’s fury could overpower even the horror of having no chocolate. She found the kid again...very high up, sitting atop of the giant evil dust-bunny-that-didn’t-taste-like-chocolate.

“You!” Cindy screeched, pointing at the boy and bunny accusingly. Not even Cindy seemed sure whether her words were directed at the boy or the bunny. However, her next words made it very clear where her priorities currently lay. “I’m going to eat you and see if you taste like chocolate!”

The boy lost his confident smirk, replaced by a look of bewilderment. “Of course I don’t taste like chocolate,” he said, giving Cindy an odd look. “Why in the world would I taste like chocolate? I’m a human.”

(‘Don’t try and reason with her!’ The dust bunny wailed mentally. ‘She’s crazy!’)

Cindy glared at the boy evilly. The dust bunny gulped and wisely took a step back. The boy, on the other hand, seemed blissfully unaware of the danger he was in.

“You ate chocolate,” Cindy enunciated slowly and clearly like the boy was an idiot. “So you have to taste like chocolate too.”

There was a beat of silence. Over the lacrimosa earrings, Jane banged her head against a wall at the sheer illogicalness of the explanation.

“What.” The boy said flatly. “What kind of logic-”

“HIIIIYAAAA!!!” Cindy screamed again, leaping for the boy. The poor dust bunny screamed as well and turned to flee. This time, it managed to get almost two entire hops away before Cindy tackled the boy off its large dusty head. She opened her mouth wide and, with an audible CHOMP! Bit down.

“Blech,” Cindy said sulkily. “You taste like a human.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN YOU PSYCHO!!” The poor boy howled, clutching his bloody hand.

“Jaaaaneeee,” Cindy wailed. “I bit my tongue!” She stuck out her bleeding tongue as proof.

“Oh,” the boy said, blinking down at his bloody-but-unbleeding hand. “So that’s why there’s blood.”

Cindy sniffled as Jane cackled gleefully, entirely unsympathetic to her plight yet again.

“Jane saths you hath to come back with me,” she informed the boy, eyes watery and tongue still hanging out. The boy opened his mouth to protest. “I’ll bite you ith you don’t agree,” she added petulantly, opening her mouth wide and showing off all of her deceptively normal teeth for emphasis. The dust bunny paled at this threat. The boy, sadly, was not as clever.

“What? Who would want to go with you, you psycho?”

(Privately, the dust bunny agreed with this statement. Who would want to go with a psycho like her?)

“Vell, ith you hath to be sucth mean people, I gueth I’ll hath to uthe force!”

Raising her broken stapler ominously, her eyes gained an evil glint. Taking the stapler in both hands, she yanked! The stapler gave an foreboding creak...and broke again. The bunny and boy both stared at her with deadpan eyes. Over the lacrimosa crystals, Jane groaned. “Not _again_ Cindy...”

“Oopth,” Cindy said sheepishly. “Wrong thetting.” She stuck the pieces back together again. (The dust bunny internally wondered how that thing even still worked.) There was a beat of silence before Cindy’s smile widened and the stapler pulsed blue. Taking the stapler in both hands dramatically again, Cindy yanked! And the stapler... _stretched_.

The boy’s mouth fell open. The dust bunny froze in horror. (She has _another_ weapon!? It shrieked internally.)

Cackling, Cindy threw one end of the stretching stapler at them. The bunny, frozen in horror, managed exactly no steps away before the stapler wrapped itself like a rope around both the boy and the bunny, trapping them in its embrace.

“Let go of me you psycho!” the boy screeched in indignation. The bunny, panicking, attempted to dissolve into dust again but failed as Cindy turned an evil eye at it and the stapler gave another pulse of blue.

“No dutht,” she said menacingly. “You’re both coming vith me!”

“NOOOO!” Both the boy and bunny screamed as she dragged them away, muttering about chocolate.

* * *

 

“Good work,” Jane said, spinning around dramatically in her swivelly chair as Cindy marched into the command room, dragging her two struggling prisoners behind her.

“I didn’t get any chocolate on this trip either,” Cindy moaned.

“I guess we’ll just wait for the mother to come and get the kid now,” Jane said, ignoring Cindy.

“You!” Cindy cried, pointing at the kid accusingly, ignoring Jane. The bunny, being bound back-to-back with the unfortunate boy, reeled back in alarm, having apparently gained an even healthier terror of the chocoholic over the course of the trip back to the base. “Where did you get your chocolate?” The boy, of course, still had not learned.

“What’s it to you, you psycho?”

“I NEED CHOCOLATE!!” This was said very loudly next to his ear. The boy cringed.

“Fine, fine, I’ll tell you! I got it at the convenience store downtown! Happy?” Cindy froze.

“But- but that’s not even real chocolate! The convenience store sells those manufactured chocolates made from hardened cocoa powder! Cocoa powder doesn’t even use real cocoa beans!”

“Well, yeah,” the boy said, puzzled. “Who in the world can still get real chocolate in this day and age?”

Cindy withered dramatically. Mushrooms sprouted around her and the lights dimmed. The blue foxfire sparks still dancing around her faded into a deep, gloomy indigo, throwing her wilted figure into a theatrically depressing shadow.

“Chocolate...my poor chocolate...still waiting for me out there somewhere, all _alone_..” Cindy sniffled, tracing random, despondent shapes on the ground.

Behind her, Jane shook with not-so-silent laughter. She truly was an evil partner. Cindy glared sulkily at her. Then, Cindy brightened as another idea occurred to her. Quietly, she crept towards Jane. The bunny and the boy watched her in terror and bemusement respectively.

Reaching Jane, Cindy opened her mouth wide, ready to take large chomp-

"No Cindy," Jane said flatly, not looking away from her magical mirror-screens. "I do not taste like chocolate. If you bite me I will kick you and take away your stapler."

(Yes take the stapler away please, the bunny begged mentally.)

Cindy pouted. The boy (rather unwisely, the bunny thought) snickered. Loudly.

Head snapping in their direction, Cindy growled not-so-intimidatingly and marched over “SHUSH YOU!” She grumbled, poking the boy's cheek. Then, abruptly, she brightened again.

"It's soft!" She squealed, poking the boy’s cheek again. "Jane can we keep it?"

"You can't keep me here you psycho lady," the boy said rudely, leaning away from her pokey finger. "I'll run away again!"

Cindy waved off his threats. "We don't need to keep you, just your cheek," she said matter-a-factly. The boy looked disturbed, leaning away even more. The bunny subtly tried to inch away. Being ten feet tall, it went more like this:

“Hey!” Cindy cried indignantly as the soft cheek was abruptly yanked away as the bunny attached to the boy attached to the cheek scrambled frantically to the other side of the room and banged at the door futilely with its dusty head, its paws still bound and tied together to the boy’s.

(NONONO LET ME OUT!! The bunny screamed internally. SHE’S GONNA STEAL OUR CHEEKS!!! I _LIKE_ MY CHEEKS! THEY’RE- THEY’RE _SOFT_ AND _DUSTY!!_ )

With an evil, shadowed smirk, CIndy flicked her finger and the bunny and the boy were dragged back over to her by her trusty, blue, glowing stapler, which was still wrapped around them.

Cackling, Cindy pulled her blue glow stick from her hair and held it up menacingly. The bunny shrieked fearfully at the sight of it, despite not knowing what it could do. The boy glared, baring his tiny baby teeth at her. Reaching out, Cindy brought the glow stick to the boy’s face!

-and poked his cheek. The bunny toppled over in a dead faint. Cindy cackled again gleefully and put the glow stick back in her hair before poking the boy again with a finger.

“Stop that!” The boy shouted, leaning away in irritation. “I’ll- I’ll BITE YOU you psycho!” Cindy pouted.

“But I don’t have chocolate, so I want your cheeks! Jane, can I have his cheeks?”

“You’re not allowed to steal his cheeks, Cindy,” Jane said monotonously, like she was repeating a conversation she had had many times before. “His mother wants him back whole.”

"Darn," Cindy sighed mournfully. She reached out to poke him again. “If only you didn’t have to go back to your mo- OW! JANE!! HE BIT ME!!!”


End file.
